IM Love
by Sakuras Heart Healer
Summary: She's terrified to lose him, she loves him, he's her friend. But she hates how they are, they don't talk in person. She's desperate to have him back, what will she go through to get him? Better yet will he let her in his life?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Something I'd been thinking about, don't know how far it will go and how regular it will be updated depends on things, but I thought I'd like to see what people thought of this new situation. Please enjoy and tell me your thoughts much appreciated: D

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_**Prolog**_

Haruhi's hand were shaking so violent as she sat in front of her computer at home. Her house was eerie and silent. Her father, of course, was gone. She felt completely alone, more so they she had in a long time. She glanced around her, happy memories smiled back at her from photo frames that sparkled in the computer lights harsh gleams. She didn't know why she did it, but she had. She looked at the instant message screen holding still and silent against her desktop. Her breath hitched when

"Yea?" Popped up under his name. Her stomach turned her palms sweated and she shook almost violently in her chair. _What had she done! _Exactly what all of her close friends had told her to do! She reminded herself harshly. She _had _to do this, she _had_ to get her feelings out there and understood, or else her life would continue to spiral downward and she'd never be able to move on.

"This is going to be very awkward and I'm sorry in advance." She typed the words, hesitantly, and hit enter. There was a pause and she almost screamed at the wait.

"Its fine…" She dreaded those dots, hated everyone of them, made her feel like he didn't care, like he was distancing her words and his by them. It was probably foolish she was overreacting, but it hurt so much, so very much.

"Well, its about that night I texted you….Saying I love you…."

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A/N: well this is supposed to be a hook start ;) tell me what you think and I'll upload some more. Thanks for reading I adore my readers :D Please review! WHo's this mystery man? You'll have to wait and find out ;)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Ok hers the next chapter really just a bit of background going on here and until I get a bit new things I might have a few flash back chapters that will help to explain the relationship going on here :D enjoy and review please :D

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Chapter 1:

Haruhi felt like her heart was being torn out, she reached over for her tea and took a large gulp of the liquid, and it felt nice against her parched throat. Breathing slowly and evenly she looked over his words and wondered what she'd done to make him hate her. She could tell from the way he hesitated in typing, the way the words formed across her screen that he would much rather be anywhere but here, having this conversation with her.

"It's just very awkward for me, Haruhi. You don't understand that." She bit back her tears and tried to calm her furiously beating heart, it wouldn't do any good to get upset right now. He didn't care about her, not in the slightest and it ate at her, but she had ways of blocking emotion out and right now she felt like she was running on autopilot, watching someone else type in response to all the words he typed.

She just wanted him to understand, understand how much me meant to her and how much she really wanted him to smile and be happy. He'd been withdrawn from her and the others more and more, no one seemed to notice like she did. It happened constantly, walking through the halls his eyes never left their destination or glue to the floor tiles. When they ate, he was separate from them physically or mentally, it mattered not. And whenever she'd approach to speak to him, he'd hurry off in the opposition direction or leave as soon as he saw the opportunity. Haruhi never understood what she'd done. And he refused to tell her, always using the excuses that he just wanted to be alone. But why now? She must have done something, she remembered nights where they'd sit together and talk for hours about silly things, their days, their futures. Why had he withdrawn so much?

"I'm trying to make you understand, I just can't find the words for you." She really did have the words, but she was to afraid to use them, what if he recollided from her and she lost all the ground she's so carefully worked for over the last year? It had been like walking something worse than eggshells, and every time she seemed to gain ground with him she lost it again and it was killing her. There was only so much she could take before she finally broke. And tonight had been the night.

"Well wait and find the words." That sounded harsh in her mind and the tears rolled down her face. She wiped at them uselessly remembering how it had felt the night they had broken off their secret relationship. It was the worst night of her life, but she never let anyone see that , not even him. She'd stayed up way into the night and slept not a wink the next day. She wished to rewind time so often that she fell asleep thinking she had and welcomed his embrace in her dreams, only to find it had vanished in the mornings. No one had known about their breakup, no one had known about the relationship, so it was even worse on her trying to cope with her feelings and continue on with her daily duties, though he seemed completely unaffected by it, which seemed to hurt more than ever. Had she really meant so little to him?

"But do you understand what I'm trying to say?" She attempted again and waited for the rejection, the denial and the hatred she knew he felt towards her.

"Yes, I do…." Those dots felt like a miles distance between her and him. She hated it.

"I just want you to be happy and I wanted to know how you felt." She waited, and waited her stomach turning again and again but this time he'd had enough.

"I've got to get off and get some sleep." That stunned her, she touched her heart where it hurt and knew the conversation had ended. He was shutting her out again.

"Alright, thanks for talking to me, I appreciate it." She waited for something but she got the cold shoulder once more.

"Ttyl." And then his name disappeared and she was left alone. ON the computer staring at the last reaming connection she really had to him. Finally though she closed her laptop and stumbled to her bed where she knew she'd lay awake into the morning hours and go to school a zombie, there was no hope for her. She felt so hopeless, and she'd told him that. But he didn't care. He hated her, despite his denial.

SO she laid there thinking of what he'd be doing right now….Probably talking to some pretty girl and telling her about Haruhi was being such a baby and was so annoying. She felt the tears line her eyes again and buried her face in the pillow.

Love was a cruel thing indeed, she had loved him then, love him still, he'd loved her then, yet hated her now. Where did it all go wrong?

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A/N: ok there you go :D probably reveal the mystery man in the next chapter if I get enough reviews of course ;) thanks for reading I love you all. Please review and thanks again!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N:Please enjoy and don't forget to review :D thanks so much for reading, I'm really trying to put some good raw emotions into my story hope its having an effect on some level. Thanks for reading enjoy!

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Chapter 2

Her prediction had come true, that night Haruhi had gone to her bed, and relived the days she's spent together with him. She missed him so terribly much, she'd cried herself to sleep often but that night she had no tears to shed, only the blurry mess of happy memories long gone out of reach, but always present.

"Haruhi? You're a bit zoned out today?" Tamaki looked down concerned at Haruhi with two large sapphire eyes that always caught her breath. She jumped, startled by his sudden appearance. She'd taken up post by the large windows that overlooked the school grounds. It was beautiful out there and she found they often soothed her to look out at the world. Peaceful, calm and full of light and laughter. Something she wished she could take into her as well. Her mind must have wondered off into the distance again. She quickly reeled herself in and poked through her facial expressions till she found the smile and pressed it thick across her face.

"Oh, I'm sorry Senpai. Just zoned out, it's a pretty day." She gestured towards the window knowing he would approve the smile. It was always so easy to fool him, he never knew the difference. But she did wonder sometimes, he'd been close to her for a while as well, but nothing like the relationship she so desperately missed from _him_.

"Yes it, quiet lovely. My daughters got her eye for pretty things." He nudged her gently; caringly as she sensed he was catching on to her "mood". She quickly turned, smiled, and offered to walk with him to the host club. If he'd had any suspicious they were gone now as he looped her arm through hers and hustled down the hall crying and shouting his love for his adorable daughter as they burst through the doors, Haruhi dreaded who waited for her beyond them but knew she had to keep up an act, she was in no mood to explain herself and she only had one friend who truly understood her and the situation, but she was halfway across the world.

"Good morning Host club!" Tamaki burst through the doors quiet dramatically dragging Haruhi behind him she stumble in, blushed, then pulled away and straightened out her clothes and patted down her windblown hair. He sure could run when he wanted to.

"Good morning sir, Haruhi!" The twins clamored up to them quickly and Haruhi lurched into their grasp unexpectedly when she tripped on the leg of her pants. She grunted falling into warm arms and felt her heart constrict.

"Thanks for catching me, you can let go now." Haruhi said shortly pulling from the twin's grasp. To warm, to comfortable a reminder of _Him,_ she thought silently straightening out her jacket again. The twins griped about her being "rude" she ignored their words and tried to keep her gaze from wandering, searching….But of course her need to glimpse him, see he was happy yet, struck her deep and finally her eyes peered through the room slowly and came to rest on the solitary figure standing in the corner of the room hands shoved deep into his pocket eyes watching the small blonde child talk about cakes. Her heart constricted all over again she felt drawn toward that man. His midnight black hair waved off his head beautifully, his lean tall figure was perfectly shaped and she knew somewhere his beautiful eyes would be gazing down at the other teen. But as if he'd sensed her gaze he turned and she felt blinded by the glare of his glasses.

"Kyouya…" She whispered under breath as he turned away leaving her cold and chill. She lowered her eyes and found herself surrounded by Tamaki and the twins again. Their words meant nothing to her, she felt so cold and alone. For once her mask of happiness and carefree slipped, but only a little. He didn't care to see her sadness, it drove him away actually and so Haruhi quickly gathered the slipping mask between mental figures, and repositioned it on her face, flawlessly.

"What did you say?" She asked her voice cheerful, light and void of thought. The twins complained about repeating themselves but this time Haruhi listened as they told her about their newest planned trick for Tamkai. She listened, forced the giggle of amusement and glanced at the Senpai standing off to the side. She heard him laugh and nod his head as Kyouya spoke in hushed tones on the other side of the room. Mori appeared a few minutes later with a few treats for Hunny. Haruhi smiled at the small group and detached herself from the twins wanting to head for the others.

"Where you going Haruhi?" The twins complained as she whisked herself off away and towards the other group. She didn't answer eyes set on her destination, and then… like a slap to the face. Kyouya turned on his heel and left the group as she approached. She faltered but stumbled into his empty spot and forced the unwanted happiness out and watched them, laughed with them, while her heart died quietly, inside her.

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A/N: and there you have it, mystery man was Kyouya, can't you see it though? Thought it was going to be Mori for a minute didn't you ;) please review, give predictions, comments anything please I want some good feedback here :D


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